Because nothing is more confusing than “we’re not dating… but we’re not NOT dating.”
If modern romance had a loading screen, it would be the talking stage, that chaotic, undefined, emotionally risky zone between strangers and something real. No labels. No rules. Just vibes, late-night texts, and the constant urge to ask your friends, “Wait… what does this mean?”
Welcome to the most confusing relationship era.
Whether you met on TikTok comments, Tinder, Instagram DMs, or through a mutual who swore “you guys would be perfect,” the talking stage is equal parts exciting, delusional, romantic, and emotionally hazardous.
Here’s your official survival guide, so you can enjoy the butterflies without losing your sanity.
Texting Is NOT a Personality
If your entire connection lives inside your phone, proceed with caution.
Someone can be hilarious, flirty, deep, and emotionally available at 1:17 AM… and then give absolutely nothing in person. Digital chemistry ≠ real-life compatibility.
Green flag: They make actual plans.
Red flag: “We should hang out sometime” with zero follow-through.
If weeks pass and you still haven’t seen them outside your screen, congratulations, you’re dating their typing skills.
Don’t Build a Relationship With Their Potential
In the talking stage, it’s dangerously easy to fill in the blanks yourself. You project. You imagine. You start planning your soft-launch post before they’ve even asked you on a proper date.
But you’re not dating who they could be.
You’re interacting with who they’re showing you right now.
If they’re inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or confusing early on, that’s not a mystery to solve, that’s information.
As the internet says:
If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.
Consistency > Intensity
Love bombing lives in the talking stage: sudden bursts of attention followed by radio silence.
One day:
“Good morning beautiful”
The next three days: Complete Silence
Consistency is what builds safety. Anyone can be charming for a weekend.
Ask yourself:
Do they show up regularly?
Do their actions match their words?
Do you feel calm… or constantly anxious?
Butterflies are cute. Chronic stress is not.
Keep Your Life FULL
The fastest way to spiral is making the talking stage your main hobby.
You do NOT need to check their Snap score every hour.
You do NOT need to reread old messages for hidden meaning.
You do NOT need to cancel plans because “they might text.”
Stay busy. See friends. Go to the gym. Work on your goals. Build your main-character life.
Ironically, the most attractive energy is someone who isn’t waiting around to be chosen.
Define Your Own Rules (Because There Are None)
Here’s the hard truth: the talking stage has no universal timeline.
Some people talk for weeks.
Some for months.
Some forever (run).
Instead of guessing what’s “normal,” decide what YOU want:
Are you okay with casual vibes?
Do you want exclusivity eventually?
How long are you willing to stay undefined?
Clarity protects your peace.
Watch How They Handle Effort
Effort is the loudest form of interest.
Do they initiate conversations?
Do they remember things you said?
Do they plan dates, not just “hangouts”?
Do they check in beyond surface-level flirting?
You shouldn’t feel like a customer service rep trying to keep the conversation alive.
Mutual energy is the bare minimum.
Don’t Ignore the “Cold Shift”
Almost everyone that’s dating has experienced it: things are great… until suddenly they aren’t.
Replies get slower.
Plans get vaguer.
Energy drops.
Instead of overanalyzing, believe what you’re experiencing.
You don’t need closure to move on.
You don’t need a dramatic ending to stop investing.
Sometimes the loudest message is silence.
Protect Your Emotional Investment
You don’t have to act detached or pretend you don’t care, but you also don’t have to give someone full access to your heart before they’ve earned it.
Healthy pacing looks like:
Sharing gradually
Observing their behavior over time
Letting trust build naturally
Not trauma-dumping on day three
Connection should deepen, not explode overnight.
The Talking Stage Should Feel FUN
Yes, dating can be awkward. Yes, vulnerability is scary. But if you feel more drained than excited, something’s off.
The right person won’t make you feel like you’re in a psychological thriller.
You should feel:
Curious
Excited to hear from them
Comfortable being yourself
Emotionally safe most of the time
Not constantly confused, anxious, or walking on eggshells.
Remember: You’re Also the Prize
It’s easy to slip into audition mode, trying to be funnier, cooler, hotter, more chill, more interesting.
But the talking stage is not a performance.
You’re evaluating them too.
Do THEY meet your standards?
Do THEY align with your values?
Do THEY treat you well?
Mutual choosing > one-sided impressing.
Final Thought: If It’s Meant to Grow, It Will
The talking stage doesn’t have to be a nightmare. At its best, it’s a sweet, exciting period where two people slowly discover each other without pressure.
But the moment it starts costing your peace, confidence, or self-worth, it’s okay to step back.
You don’t win the game by enduring confusion the longest.
You win by choosing what feels healthy and reciprocal.
Because the goal isn’t to survive the talking stage.
It’s to move into something that no longer feels like one.
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